How to Protect Yourself from Romance Scams: A Guide for Widows and Widowers

In 2024, more than 6,700 people over age 60 lost nearly $367 million to romance scams, according to the FBI’s Internet Crime Complaint Center (IC3). The Federal Trade Commission reports that total fraud losses by older adults skyrocketed from $600 million in 2020 to $2.4 billion in 2024 — with romance scams as one of the primary drivers.

If you’re a widow or widower considering online dating, these numbers aren’t meant to scare you. They’re meant to prepare you.

Why scammers target widows and widowers

Scammers specifically target widows and widowers because they understand your situation. You may be:

• Emotionally vulnerable after a significant loss
• Financially stable with life insurance, retirement savings, or property
• Less experienced with online dating platforms
• Lonely and eager for genuine connection

The FTC’s 2024-2025 report on protecting older adults noted that romance scams were among the top fraud types reported by people aged 60 and older. Scammers know that widows often have assets and that grief can cloud judgment.

The 7 warning signs

1. One photo, and it looks professional

Real people have multiple casual photos — birthday parties, vacations, candid moments with friends. Scammers steal a single professional headshot from a model or stock photo website.

What to do: Ask for a recent casual photo. A genuine person will happily send one. A scammer will make excuses.

2. Love comes too fast

“I’ve never felt this way about anyone” within the first few messages is a tactic, not a connection. Scammers don’t have time to build real relationships. They need to create emotional dependency quickly.

What to do: Slow down. Real relationships develop over weeks and months, not hours and days.

3. They want to leave the dating platform immediately

Dating platforms like SeniorMatch have safety features — message monitoring, profile verification, and reporting tools. Scammers want to move you to email, text, or WhatsApp where those protections disappear.

What to do: Stay on the platform until you’ve video chatted and met in person. A genuine match will understand.

4. They claim to be overseas or in the military

“I’m an engineer on an oil rig in the Gulf” or “I’m deployed in Afghanistan” are common covers for why they can never meet in person. The FBI notes that impersonation scams — including military impersonation — are a growing category.

What to do: If they can’t meet within 2-4 weeks, they’re probably not who they say they are.

5. They ask for money — any amount, any reason

This is the ultimate red flag. Scammers build emotional trust, then manufacture emergencies: medical bills, travel costs, business problems, family crises.

One Reddit user in r/catfish reported a scammer who sent him gifts first — $100 flower bouquets and $150 pizza orders — to build trust before asking for Apple gift cards. The technique is called “reciprocity manipulation.”

What to do: Never send money, gift cards, or financial help to someone you haven’t met in person. Block and report immediately.

6. They avoid video calls

Scammers will find every excuse to avoid a video call — bad connection, broken camera, “too shy.” The FTC specifically recommends video chat as a verification step before meeting in person.

What to do: Insist on a video call before any in-person meeting. If they refuse, end the conversation.

7. Their story has inconsistencies

Different names in different messages. Age changes between profiles. Occupation shifts from “doctor” to “engineer.” These inconsistencies happen because scammers manage multiple victims simultaneously.

What to do: Keep notes. If details don’t add up, trust your instincts.

How to protect yourself practically

The AARP recommends these steps for anyone dating online after 50:

1. Create a separate email just for online dating. Don’t use your primary or work email.
2. Use Google Voice for a phone number. Don’t give out your real number until you’ve met.
3. Video chat first. This verifies they match their photos.
4. Meet in public. Coffee shops, restaurants, parks — never private homes.
5. Tell a friend. Let someone know where you’re going and who you’re meeting.
6. Trust your gut. If something feels wrong, it probably is.

What to do if you’ve been scammed

If you suspect you’ve been targeted by a romance scammer:

1. Stop all contact immediately. Block them on the platform and any other channels.
2. Report to the dating platform. They can remove the profile and protect others.
3. File a report with the FTC at reportfraud.ftc.gov.
4. File a report with the FBI at ic3.gov.
5. Contact your bank if you’ve sent money.
6. Consider a credit freeze if you’ve shared personal information.

You are not alone, and you are not foolish. Scammers are professionals. The FBI reported that romance scams affected over 59,000 consumers in 2024 alone — and those are just the ones who reported it.

The bottom line

Dating after loss is brave. Dating after loss while protecting yourself is smart. You can do both.

Start with a free account on a verified platform. Browse profiles. See if there are active members in your area. No pressure — just curiosity.

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Sources

• Federal Trade Commission, Protecting Older Consumers 2024-2025 (December 2025)
• FBI Internet Crime Complaint Center, 2024 IC3 Annual Report (ic3.gov)
• AARP, “5 Tips for Dating a Widow or Widower” (aarp.org)
• U.S. Senate Report 119-58, Romance Scam Prevention Act (govinfo.gov)